Joe Morgan's General Ineptness & Cubs/Cards Random Thoughts

Joe Morgan kept talking about how "agressive" Dusty Baker is. Has he watched a Cubs game this season? Scott Podsednik has more stolen bases than our entire team.

Morgan's long winderd story about his "game-winning hit" in his first game as a pro shows how he will go to any length to talk about himself.

I wonder if Matt Lawton's conversation with Mahoney before belting a solo homer opposite field qualifies as "calling your shot." If I were Matt Lawton I'd be on the horn with the agent right now trying to lock up an endorsement deal.

According to Joe Morgan, Matt Lawton's homer was on a first pitch fastball, a feat even more impressive considering Lawton's home run was on the second pitch after taking a first pitch curveball. Touch em all, Joe.

As much as I want to hate Albert Pujols, he seems like a geniune nice guy and overall caring person (I remember an ESPN segment on how he donates a lot of money to various children's causes and whatnot). I'll tell you what, though, as nice a guy as he is he sure is a scary and mean looking SOB when he bats. I love it.

So Kerry Wood is making 8 million dollars as a set-up man and people cry that he is overpaid. My guess is that in ten years paying 8 million a season for a quality set-up man will be a bargain.

Speaking of ten years, did anyone think 10 years ago watching MTV that Dave Matthews Band would now be doing NFL promos, Blues Traveler would be hawking Busch Light, and Hootie would be crooning about spicy chicken sandwiches from Burger King?

That ESPN lady Erin Andrews is superhot.

What is up with Tony Larussa's tinted sunglasses during a night game? I've heard of people reading lips before, but the next time an opposing player reads a manager's eyes will be the first.

Final Thought: If in the beginning of the season, you would have told me that Mark Prior would start a game and Kerry Wood would come out of the bullpen in the same game, I probably would have assumed it would be Game 7 of the World Series scenario. My, how things change.

Cubs/Reds Random Thoughts/Useless Len Kasper info

Don't we all love Dusty Baker? I mean, the last 9 games we are 8-1 when Hairston leads off and he doesn't start. Don't mess with success, wait, we do.

According to Dusty Baker's statistics, in Matt Murton's 15 years of playing baseball he has never faced a right handed pitcher before. I mean, those righty/righty matchups are a bitch.

So, does Kerry Wood not understand what fatigue is? I mean, you throw 60 pitches you may feel something in your shoulder. Yes, this comes from throwing a baseball for an extended period of time. Kerry Wood is such a sally.

So Farnsworth is the new Detroit closer? Someone should explain to him that you cannot pitch yourself into a save situation if you are up by 5 runs. (If you saw the game today you know what I am talking about)

Useless Len Kasper info of the day: (paraphrasing)
"I talked to Mike Remlinger before the game and asked him about what he does to stay loose during the season. He says there are a lot of different things guys do to stay loose and he does his own routine. Staying loose is really important."

And that was it. Thanks for the rock-solid info, Len.

And the Cubs lose.

Peace, I'm out.

Mariotti Blames Baker for Global Warming

Criticizing Cubs manager Dusty Baker is not new to members of the Chicago media; in fact, it has been good sport for some time. Baker has been repeatedly chastised for his handling of the bullpen, the overworking of his starters, and his overall in-game strategy tactics. Now, the media had turned to more worldly issues, more specifically, the topic of global warming.

Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti had this to say in a recent column:

“The good Rev. Johnnie B. Baker has turned into Professor Unnecessary Carbon Dioxide Maker,” wrote Mariotti. “Professor Baker has been the primary catalyst behind rising CO2 levels, and his personal greenhouse effect will cause the polar icecaps to have a faster meltdown than the Chicago Cub bullpen with a one-run lead.”

Baker scoffed at the criticism.

“Dude, everyone knows global warming is just a myth,” said Baker as he gnarled on a toothpick. “Myths are everywhere, man, but they ain’t true.”

When shown a bar graph that outlined the average increase in temperature of the oceans and Earth’s atmosphere over the past two hundred years, Baker refused to budge.

“Look, it is a just a feeling, man,” replied Baker. “Sometimes you got to look past the numbers. Darren woke up with a bit of a chill this morning. Did global warming cause my son to be cold? Come on, dude.”

Nevertheless, blaming Baker for global warming is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. There is still the matter of rising gas prices, problems with Social Security, and I-90 traffic jams that Baker must answer to.

“Man, this is crazy,” said Baker. “Here, want to try some Holy Water?”

Random Cub thoughts while wondering if Prior can give Nomar some tips in the batting cages

3 weeks ago, if you would have told me Michael Barrett would have the same batting average as Nomar Garciaparra on April 20th I thought this would have been a good thing.

The only negative aspect of watching Cub games on HD TV is the delayed signal - now I cannot sync up my TV and radio to hear Ron Santo shriek on cue.

Question: After 81 games, who will have a better record, the Cubs (currently 7-7) or the Bulls (47-34)? Discuss.

2005 Mark Prior looks like 2003 Mark Prior. Unfortunately, 2005 Michael Barrett looks like 2003 Micheal Barrett.

Kerry Wood looks ever so close to getting over the hump. We have been saying this for the past 5 years.

Some days the Cubs look unflappable and other days they look lost in the batters box. Some days their pitching looks solid while other days it looks mediocre at best. This is the definition of a .500 ball club.

Because Derrek Lee is having a solid April, does this mean he will slump from May-August and have a lights out September?

As science dictates, Greg Maddux is not getting any younger. Damn science.

If Corey Patterson doesn't win a gold glove this year then we should form a posse and go beat the snot out of Jim Edmonds just for the hell of it.

Question: Watching paint dry or listening to Bob and Len? Discuss.

Cub Agony: My Dearest Friend Returns

Being a Cub fan is not easy. The amount of frustration one has to endure is mind numbing, as was the case during last night’s debacle against the Reds. If someone asked me what it was like to be a Cub fan I would provide tapes of the following games:

2003 NLCS Game 6 v. Marlins (obviously)
Monday, April 18th: Cubs v. Reds

Last night’s game was the prime example of the "slow burn" of agonizing pain that Cub fans have experienced for almost a century. I would prefer Latroy Hawkins giving up a walk-off 3 run homer and the Cubs bowing 3-2 than what happened last night.

Monday’s game was a classic Cub tale. The offense comes out exploding looking as if it has the possibility to score thirteen runs. But as I watched the homers unfold, the cynical Cub fan inside of me was saying, “You know they will not keep this up. Besides, Kerry Wood is on the mound. No lead is safe.”

The worst thing that ever happened to Kerry Wood was striking out those 20 Astros back in 1998. They should remove that damn flag from Wrigley and pretend like it never, ever happened. He is the most overrated player in the league, hands down. Jay Mariotti says he should be traded, and although I’m not calling for Woody to be shipped out just yet, I will say that I have zero confidence when he takes the hill. You know his line before he even hurls (and I emphasize the word: hurls) a single pitch: 6 IP, 5 ER, 7 SO, 3 BB, 1 HBP.

In any case, I knew the Cubbies would have to do better than the 4 runs we put up in the first. Much better. Well, we didn’t. Aside from a Burnitz solo shot our scoring was done until the ninth.

In-between, of course, the slow burn was in process. Woody gave his classic un-even performance, which we are supposed to be happy about, because, hey, at least he didn’t get injured! The bullpen proceeds to give the game away after our most reliable pitcher, Glendon Rusch, gets injured himself. Better break out the Holy Water, Dusty. How many Cub fans agree with me: I would rather see Glendon Rusch start than Kerry Wood. It feels wrong typing it, but it feels so true.

So we blow the lead in the 8th, first we give up a made-up lead on that freaky double play and then we give up the lead for real. Oh, and by the way, Len and Bob could not have been any slower in figuring out what was happening when the Reds scored the phantom run on that bouncer to Aramis. Steve Stone would have called that play before it happened.

Yeah, and Barrett – it is called a baseball. You grip it with your hand and throw the ball on the correct trajectory so that it arrives in the glove of the player you are throwing it too. You are not a first-baseman throwing infield practice. Oh, yeah, and if you feel like getting a hit this season, that would be great, too.

Inevitably, tragically, and fittingly, the Cubs had an opportunity to tie or take the lead in the ninth. They failed. Was anyone really surprised? After the game I had an actual headache, and again, I was reminded of what it was like to be a Cub fan. Just in case I had forgotten.

Stop me if you've heard this before

The year may be different but welcome to the same Cub frustrations as last year.:

Our feast and famine offense goes into hibernation against sub-par pitching.

The Cubs leave runners stranded in scoring position.

One of our starters pitches admirably (Kerry Wood) as the offense scores just enough runs to lead by the slimmest of margins.

Latroy Hawkins nibbles with two strikes and leaves a ball over the plate. He blows a save. He gets booed.

The Cubs cannot lay down a sacifrice bunt. (I guess this isn't one of Jerry Hairston's strengths.)

Corey "Kid K" Patterson flails at a low and away breaking ball. He strikes out. He also gets booed.

Dusty Baker leaves a pitcher in too long and we lose in extra innings.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2004, err, I mean, your 2005 Chicago Cubs! (Note: If Kyle Farnsworth isn't good enough to pitch in this bullpen, then something is seriously wrong.)

A letter from Kerry Wood's balls to Kerry Wood

Dear Kerry,

We met some cool balls at the bar other night. They actually used to belong to your friend Mark Prior. You know Prior, right? Don't you go shopping for tampons with that guy?

Anyway, like Prior's balls, we too haven't seen our owner in a while either. You can't pitch because you slept funny on your back? Seriously, Kerry, if any non-athlete who wasn't pampered by anyone and everyone tried to call in sick to work saying that he "slept funny on his back" would be told to get his ass in there, pronto. You are such a sally.

Actually, maybe it isn't even your back that hurts. These balls think that it is probably your arm again and this back business is Dusty and Hendry covering for your candy-ass again. Sally.

Cool, we're out. Going to hang out with Barry Bonds raisins, I mean balls.

Peace,
Your misplaced balls